안녕하세요 여러분. 잘 지내 있어요?

It has been a very long time, hasn’t it? What have I done all this time? Well, I worked and sat at home, then worked a bit more. Got vaccinated. Finally made the first trip and visited Montreal, seen friends whom I haven’t seen since 2014. One of them trolled the rest to take the zipline, and we did. It was scary but fun. So expect the apocalypse since I have done something a little scary. There’s no way the world will not come to an end after I did that, just for your information.

As evident from the opening sentence, I took a Korean beginner’s class, so now my knowledge in Korean is official, and it’s still better than my Swedish. I might continue to the next level, but courses are still online, and it still feels weird to take a class over zoom.

What else have I been up to? Let’s see, breaking hearts on Bumble BFF. I started using the BFF when I was in US. My own bee moved across the continent, I was in search of another one within the vicinity of Baltimore, and Meet-ups were full of single bees in search of their “partner in crime”! There weren’t many women using BFF, but I still met with a few. Then moved to Toronto, you know the rest, lockdown!

Meet-ups seem more promising in Toronto since it’s a bigger city. But I still use the BFF to meet with different people from time to time, and I do really meet with “different” people. There are

  • ghosters who stop replying. I, myself, am guilty of this occasionally. I don’t see the point in being the person to ask all the questions. Or, when I am completely fed up with seeing people on a screen, I disappear without a trace.
  • helloers who say hi/hello as the opening sentence. You should say hi back if you are in the mood or proceed to the next match.
  • word haters who will do everything in their power to write a single letter reply. This is a real talent I envy!
  • duck facers from whom I apologize because I did judge those photos, decided that I didn’t want to be seduced into a friendship, and never gave you any chance.
  • rebounders who have just broken up from their partners and are claiming their identity back. Kudos! It’s a tough time.
  • you-knowers who assume that I understand their struggle because I am coming from a country where the dominant religion is Islam. Sorry but I never was in-between believing and not believing. I believe in not believing, so that part of your struggle I truly don’t understand.
  • clingers who think that I am going to message every day. I don’t message my family or my two-decade-old friends every day. Plus, you, whom I met once, are the last person I will care about when I had lost my grandmother. Should I have asked how you are, sorry, my bad!
  • matchmakers who will try to match you up with a friend of theirs from the very first meeting. You can quickly spot them as they will casually steer the conversation towards “your ideal type” and also casually drop a reference to their “friend,” who is a “great person.”

… and many more. I suppose if the women I talked to were writing their own blog posts, I would be in the “weirdo” or “nerd” category, haha, maybe even under “judgmental.” We all have our own differences. Most of it is understandable, except this last category, the matchmakers. I am appalled by this untimely behavior. Get to know me and learn what I want first, will you?

Do I send a “find me a husband” message on Bumble BFF that I am not aware of? 2 out of 4 women I had met this past year had graciously tried to set me up with a friend of theirs. Both times I had a strong desire to leave the table without saying a word quietly (I didn’t, a mistake? who knows…). I justify their actions by saying they are doing this out of their goodwill; they mean no harm.

Yet… Yo, what the frak!!!! What makes you think I am going to trust you, the stranger, to find me someone. Helloooo, we met on Bumble; do you think I haven’t seen the “date” section? I am also one hundred percent certain that you don’t know a man that can steal my heart if you dare to set me up without getting to know me.  So from now on, I am married if anyone asks my status on BFF, Uber, or UberEats… Let’s see how many more apps I am going to add to that list and how many more fake husbands I am going to invent.

CUDA on WSL2 for Dummies

Last year, I have gifted myself a gaming laptop. After going back and forth between “I must have one” vs. “They are just so bulky and expensive. Plus, I already have a 2015 MBP with blown speakers, and IPad with Apple Pencil, 2 e-book reader of which 1 was supposed to be sold ages ago”. Despite all my screams, of course, the former has one. Sooner or later it wins, as long as the focus is brought back to the subject again.

Finding the right one was another issue. Some mentioned horrible screen quality, some mentioned a lack of usb-c port, others said the speakers were bad… After much struggle, I chose Acer Predator Helios 300 with RTX 2070. The card is good enough to last for some years and I could not only play games but dive into the world of CUDA. There are three ways one can go about using CUDA on a Windows computer. Continue reading CUDA on WSL2 for Dummies


I never understood bookshelves that are sorted, in particular shelves that are used daily. Since elementary school, I didn’t enjoy keeping my books in any specific order besides the order I have been using them. It was a way to sort them. So if I had history and religion on the same day, those books were likely to be together, and they would always end up in the depths of the shelf because there were more math and science courses.

The appeal of an ordered bookshelf to the eye vs the efficiency of picking up books in bulk without even thinking… My mother, who spent time looking at the books preferred the former, while I, the one who was using them, argued about the latter. She would say if you sort it once and stick to that order, it would merely be equally efficient. It would have a bonus of the appeal.

I couldn’t stick to that order -alphabet, thickness, length, colour- so many parameters to think about. Luckily, if you consider that luck ( one would want to know who wrote the book that is supposed to teach something to you) the authors of the books were not that important for the course literature that I was spared from thinking about that one feature. “A. Meltem” and “A. Aylin” for example would be the end of me. It would be a wild goose chase, trying to find what “A” stood for, I wouldn’t simply sort them by Meltem and Aylin. “A” was a name, and it was required in full to be classified.

Who was right? I cannot say. But I do know that sorting with features of the data does not come naturally to me. I moved into an apartment with fewer wardrobes and cupboards. The hoarder I am, I have a ton of stuff. I decided to do something different this time. Let’s try to fit into all I have to what’s already there and have one bookshelf extra. My mother is the genius of keeping many things in smaller areas, inventing spaces even. Let’s bring out the mother to fit. It sort of worked, I have bought these cube storage shelves to divide large cabinets and to create a cabinet like space in some walls (only because of luggage, otherwise those would be in the wardrobe). It was a modular and portable solution. For storing stuff in the cupboards… Following my mother’s sorting algorithm, I have placed smaller pots into larger pots, turned their lids upside down, and they took less space.

I was proud of myself. I have done an excellent job; everything looked so well organized. That is until I started using the stuff. Why should I waste time pulling out pots from pots if I am using them weekly? It’s 15 seconds of my time vs. having more space to store them stacked with their lids on. Time vs. money. Time wins, I will likely lose money. The only thing keeping me is the desire to buy a computer to play games on.

One shouldn’t spoil herself with so much; it’s the need that leads to the invention after all.  I shall live and see what solutions I will come up with for storing all those stuff ( translation: how long can I hold on until I buy cabinets?).

Sorry Sorry

I owe all of you an apology (Or as pointed by a dear friend, the world owes me an apology)! I learned from a journalist once that I should tell the take-home message in the beginning. “Ivermectin has no clinically proven effect on Covid-19.” Now where were we…

You see I know within a year of my move to a different city/country that is further away than a 1-hour train ride, a disaster strikes. I have more than a single sample point to prove the correlation. Here we go:

We moved to Hatay, within 1 year an earthquake happened and it snowed for the first time in a very long time. We could go for a picnic in the mountains on Jan 1st if you can’t picture how long it had been since it snowed there.

We moved to Istanbul in 1998, an earthquake happened in 1999. It wasn’t exactly in Istanbul, but it was a deadly one. I still remember the moment I opened my eyes. The electricity wasn’t cut off. My parents’ voices…  The apartment across getting closer to ours… My mother’s instincts telling her to rearrange the living room. She moved the dinner table in front of the cabinet that displays all the different whiskeys, wines waiting for special occasions. My siblings were sleeping in the living room, we had my brother visiting us. Best rearrangement she has ever done that probably saved the life of my siblings. Whatever the cabinet held turned into “broken pieces with memories in alcohol soup”.

I moved to Sweden, worst snow of, what, 100 years. Someone told me not to worry: ‘It would probably snow 13cm, winters are not like what it used to be.’ Yeah, sure. I think you forgot a zero there, it definitely snowed more than a meter.

I was preparing to move to the USA, well you know who got elected. I even joked: “Of course, he will be elected because I am moving there.” If that wasn’t a disaster global enough I don’t what was. Clearly my impact was getting bigger and bigger.

I have ignored all the signs and moved to Canada. Pandemic… I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I will start a campaign to prevent me from moving. I am afraid next time a meteor will hit and it will be the end of us. Or worse, The Road will come true. Great movie, by the way, watch that if you are not depressed enough these days.

I suppose if you kept reading till here, you weren’t aware of how silly conclusions we can draw from correlations or you certainly enjoyed the joke. I wish the disasters were bound to me, moving around, I would gladly live in one house and grow roots together with my cherry tree and have several cats. But it is not. It’s just a coincidence I cherry-pick to make up a story.

It’s a strange time we live in. Not just because of the viral outbreak, human history is no stranger to those. It’s strange because despite having this mass media, internet sources, some people having access to information if not all, we still have so much utterly nonsense information floating around.

I see newspapers writing about ivermectin. The molecule whose partial charges, bonds and angles I have saved in a file in my computer was the center of some news articles. It is to cure covid-19. “The miracle drug.” Ivermectin is a miracle if you have parasites but that’s about it. It has no clinically proven effect on viral diseases, let me correct myself, on sars-cov-2. I haven’t searched all the viral diseases. Sure in the test tube, it is effective, but from there to the human body is a very long journey. The original article clearly states that the tests are done in the test tube. But the headlines play with the words and leave that tiny detail to the end of the article where no one ever reaches.

Have you read till here? I am impressed. I watched The 100 and my first impression was, yes we are as stupid as ever even after a deadly nuclear attack that turns earth inhabitable. I am watching people’s feed, comments. I repeat my remark about that series. We are as stupid as ever. Quick to create sensational news, point fingers to blame without any proof or worse spread fake news. Anyways  I hope you are safe and find things to do under this quarantine.

I have already checked baking lahmacun, finishing a book I have been reading for a very long time, reorganizing the house a million times due to draft, and sleeping almost 24h due to a hunger-induced headache. How am I supposed to wake up for breakfast if my blood sugar is low in the morning (I suspect it was low blood sugar as it has happened before)?! My brain found the answer in headaches! Let’s communicate with this human so she feels miserable and wakes up. How about you find a way not to lower my blood sugar while eat what I want and do not do any exercise, brain? After today, I shall wake up at 6am to eat with the cat. I have been stretching when she is stretching as an exercise already. I am learning survival from my cat.

What have you been up to?

I love you, kiddo!

Planets were equal to kick-ass women for a long while in my mind as a kid. No thanks to Sailor Moon! The civilization once was on the moon gets destroyed, and the princess and her guardians are now on earth, waking up one by one, protecting the earth from extremely dangerous beings. The guardians were all from different planets, hence planets were associated with those guardians and their personality in my mind.

Continue reading I love you, kiddo!

The Joy

I have often wondered why human kind in different parts of the world, independently, believed in a creator. Creator took different forms, nevertheless, the idea of a higher being/force was there since the beginning of our history (figuratively speaking, my anthropology knowledge is better than Flintstones, but not great). I think I have the answer I was looking for. The joy that comes with creation! Continue reading The Joy

Arrivals, Tremors, and Racism

I have promised myself a more organized life in every aspect. Well defined categories for this blog. A planned packing process. I have made an inventory that had two main sections: definitely and maybe. Since I have set a limit of 10 boxes to ship with FedEx, I had to play tetris to fit all of the “definitely” and then fill the space with whatever I can from the “maybe” according to its both material and emotional value. Continue reading Arrivals, Tremors, and Racism

Ideas vs. Products

Do you remember the first novel you have read all by yourself a bit after you had learned how to read? Mine was, “20.000 Leagues Under the Sea” by Jules Verne, I have probably given this example many times, but it is such a happy memory for me. I am not sure, I think it was the summer after first grade, my father handed this book (with hardcover) to me for summer vacation homework. I was curious about what the author was describing, it sounded like a submarine but why was it portrayed like an alien technology? Did people not know what a submarine was, seriously? Later in elementary school I have conducted my first ever research to answer the question: When was the first submarines built? Continue reading Ideas vs. Products

Oppa Bias

I watch quite a lot of Korean dramas. It is my one and only addiction. My addiction is on a level of “Let me learn Korean because translation to English just does not work. The culture is not right!”. I made some progress reading Hangul, completed a Coursera course, and have not spoken a word in Korean yet. Despite my slow progress, there is one word that I have known since… day 1. Which word is it? Surprise it’s “oppa”.

Continue reading Oppa Bias