When was the last time I was sick? I cannot believe I’ve got to ask this question more than once. Getting close to age 30 sure is different. Well, I shall do my best to defeat this one before it swarms my entire upper respiratory system. Wait and see, I will be the winner.
That wasn’t so bad… I actually survived the infectious attack with the minimal possible damage, meaning in about 3 years I’ll be deaf in my right year. If I’m lucky I’ll still have a healthy left ear by that time.
I found myself wondering what I really want to do with my life after PhD. I’m seriously considering something more public. Say go help build a school or shelter… Go be a volunteer in an education park… Just go play with the kids… Take care of elderly… I don’t know if I’ll ever do any of these but it’s nice to know there are people who actually does try to make a change.
Just two examples came to my mind, watched recently. I guess I’ll start by not having that PhD party after all. I have these days when I get skeptical about the long chains the donations passes through. How much of that donation actually goes to the very reason of the donation in the first place? I don’t know. I never searched for the answer. Some other days it feels like you make a donation just to feel better about yourself. Well whatever days are left, in those days I think you make a change with the donations. So I’m thinking now… skip that PhD party. Host a small cocktail at SciLifeLab. Ask people to voluntarily make a donation for clean water, education, food or clothes instead of contributing to the party.
I should actually finish writing my thesis for all this to happen, of course. I’m writing just not as fast and not as nice. I hate organising my thoughts. Everything is a big network of neurons for me. Finding a path within that complex interconnected thoughts is just… sad. Not difficult, not impossible no. It’s upsetting. Is it because writing marks a change, marks an ending I wonder. Contrary to the wish of making a change for a better world, I don’t like to make a change for myself for better or worse.
Day 8 or 9
I forgot the count already. Yesterday was a lie, it is all back! The headache, the blocked ears, everything… In case of a real apocalypse, I want to be the first one dead! Surviving viral infections in 21th century with food, clean water and sewage systems is not something I can accomplish. I can’t possibly imagine myself raising from ashes to save the humanity.
Or maybe I could survive… as a zombie tough not human, or vampire. I’m eating the wrong food, maybe I need zombie or vampire food to get better 😛 (as in a joke!)
I actually feel fine. I spent the day sleeping with high-fever. Oddly enough I didn’t have fever till today. I woke up to eat food only and drink some water. At 5pm today, I woke up again for dinner (only to realise that I have slept too much and my brain forgot how to function) with no ear pain, no blockage. Sure I still have my sinuses full and my usual tinnitus level but my ears…
The long standing problem I had with them… Could this be the end of it?
As I was told, I have bilateral hearing loss, cookie bite shaped. It’s hereditary and I should not worry about it at all. I kept it checking with this awesome program: Hearing Test . I was convinced that after a year of no change in the level that it was something I always had, even tough it was discovered after a long lasting respiratory infection. Today for the first time my hearing did increase. I only have a dip at 2 kHz. The rest is pretty close or above 20dB.
Have I finally grown up and fighting back with those bacteria? I wonder whether that 2 kHz dip is related to a damage by infection. Let’s see if I can preserve this level.
I have the urge to write to all the doctors I have seen so far and say politely that they were wrong!
Day 5, still keeping my hopes up. I’m not a zombie yet. Not a vampire either, I still don’t shine under the sunlight. I might turn into a werewolf tough, I am getting allergic to my silver jewellery. Perhaps it’s against all the jewellery not particular to silver. I’m getting a bit sick of people fighting over so called treasure.
I have come to realise that my immune system didn’t actually kick in much. I did get some IgM perhaps but IgG is not going to be produced anytime soon. Today, my right ear is fine without any medication. But my left ear is as bad as yesterday. So I will go back to pseudoephedrine and paracetamol.
I said hello to bronchitis symptoms today. How lucky I am, my larynx was spared this time. From today on I will determine a category for my respiratory infections. It is such a big part of my life, it truly deserves its own channel.
I have finished the Black Mirror series on Netflix. It’s mesmerising! It is dark, twisted and futuristic. Do not be fooled, it is today’s life with a fancier touch.
Happy Back to the Future Day! We haven’t got everything they predicted but at least some of it.