안녕하세요 여러분. 잘 지내 있어요?

It has been a very long time, hasn’t it? What have I done all this time? Well, I worked and sat at home, then worked a bit more. Got vaccinated. Finally made the first trip and visited Montreal, seen friends whom I haven’t seen since 2014. One of them trolled the rest to take the zipline, and we did. It was scary but fun. So expect the apocalypse since I have done something a little scary. There’s no way the world will not come to an end after I did that, just for your information.

As evident from the opening sentence, I took a Korean beginner’s class, so now my knowledge in Korean is official, and it’s still better than my Swedish. I might continue to the next level, but courses are still online, and it still feels weird to take a class over zoom.

What else have I been up to? Let’s see, breaking hearts on Bumble BFF. I started using the BFF when I was in US. My own bee moved across the continent, I was in search of another one within the vicinity of Baltimore, and Meet-ups were full of single bees in search of their “partner in crime”! There weren’t many women using BFF, but I still met with a few. Then moved to Toronto, you know the rest, lockdown!

Meet-ups seem more promising in Toronto since it’s a bigger city. But I still use the BFF to meet with different people from time to time, and I do really meet with “different” people. There are

• ghosters who stop replying. I, myself, am guilty of this occasionally. I don’t see the point in being the person to ask all the questions. Or, when I am completely fed up with seeing people on a screen, I disappear without a trace.
• helloers who say hi/hello as the opening sentence. You should say hi back if you are in the mood or proceed to the next match.
• word haters who will do everything in their power to write a single letter reply. This is a real talent I envy!
• duck facers from whom I apologize because I did judge those photos, decided that I didn’t want to be seduced into a friendship, and never gave you any chance.
• rebounders who have just broken up from their partners and are claiming their identity back. Kudos! It’s a tough time.
• you-knowers who assume that I understand their struggle because I am coming from a country where the dominant religion is Islam. Sorry but I never was in-between believing and not believing. I believe in not believing, so that part of your struggle I truly don’t understand.
• clingers who think that I am going to message every day. I don’t message my family or my two-decade-old friends every day. Plus, you, whom I met once, are the last person I will care about when I had lost my grandmother. Should I have asked how you are, sorry, my bad!
• matchmakers who will try to match you up with a friend of theirs from the very first meeting. You can quickly spot them as they will casually steer the conversation towards “your ideal type” and also casually drop a reference to their “friend,” who is a “great person.”

… and many more. I suppose if the women I talked to were writing their own blog posts, I would be in the “weirdo” or “nerd” category, haha, maybe even under “judgmental.” We all have our own differences. Most of it is understandable, except this last category, the matchmakers. I am appalled by this untimely behavior. Get to know me and learn what I want first, will you?

Do I send a “find me a husband” message on Bumble BFF that I am not aware of? 2 out of 4 women I had met this past year had graciously tried to set me up with a friend of theirs. Both times I had a strong desire to leave the table without saying a word quietly (I didn’t, a mistake? who knows…). I justify their actions by saying they are doing this out of their goodwill; they mean no harm.

Yet… Yo, what the frak!!!! What makes you think I am going to trust you, the stranger, to find me someone. Helloooo, we met on Bumble; do you think I haven’t seen the “date” section? I am also one hundred percent certain that you don’t know a man that can steal my heart if you dare to set me up without getting to know me.  So from now on, I am married if anyone asks my status on BFF, Uber, or UberEats… Let’s see how many more apps I am going to add to that list and how many more fake husbands I am going to invent.