That wasn’t so bad… I actually survived the infectious attack with the minimal possible damage, meaning in about 3 years I’ll be deaf in my right year. If I’m lucky I’ll still have a healthy left ear by that time.
I found myself wondering what I really want to do with my life after PhD. I’m seriously considering something more public. Say go help build a school or shelter… Go be a volunteer in an education park… Just go play with the kids… Take care of elderly… I don’t know if I’ll ever do any of these but it’s nice to know there are people who actually does try to make a change.
Just two examples came to my mind, watched recently. I guess I’ll start by not having that PhD party after all. I have these days when I get skeptical about the long chains the donations passes through. How much of that donation actually goes to the very reason of the donation in the first place? I don’t know. I never searched for the answer. Some other days it feels like you make a donation just to feel better about yourself. Well whatever days are left, in those days I think you make a change with the donations. So I’m thinking now… skip that PhD party. Host a small cocktail at SciLifeLab. Ask people to voluntarily make a donation for clean water, education, food or clothes instead of contributing to the party.
I should actually finish writing my thesis for all this to happen, of course. I’m writing just not as fast and not as nice. I hate organising my thoughts. Everything is a big network of neurons for me. Finding a path within that complex interconnected thoughts is just… sad. Not difficult, not impossible no. It’s upsetting. Is it because writing marks a change, marks an ending I wonder. Contrary to the wish of making a change for a better world, I don’t like to make a change for myself for better or worse.